


this heavy heart that beats in me will weigh me down a full six feet

by ralphstatortots



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: ?? idk bro, Anal Sex, Comfort Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:20:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21696814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralphstatortots/pseuds/ralphstatortots
Summary: He’s made it to the hallway before James stops him, suddenly stood beside him far too tall and imposing despite their similar height. Fraser earns a soft hand on his cheek, tilting his chin up, with kisses pressed into the other side of his face.
Relationships: Fraser Macdonald/James Marriott
Comments: 6
Kudos: 57





	this heavy heart that beats in me will weigh me down a full six feet

**Author's Note:**

> bro i do Not feel good lately and i havent written a word in a while so take this as some weird personal comfort fic whatever
> 
> also happy holidays and all that for whichever one u celebrate, hope u all have a pleasant season
> 
> title from loud by welcome café

Fraser finds it hard to control himself lately.

He thinks it’s the colder weather, dropping a few degrees every week. Cold weather leaves him feeling worse, like the chill of it sinks straight to his bones until he’s aching all over.

It’s harder, and the time taken to get out of bed is longer, his meals become fewer, going outside is only a necessity for shopping or walking Kenji. For some reason, he doesn’t like seeing other people right now.

It’s not all bad, Fraser tries to think. He has Kenji of course, growing bigger by the day and turning out to be a well-behaved young pup. He and James have a _house_ now, not quite moved into but they’re getting there. He’s making all sorts of plans for the next year now that he can do more than daydream about them.

But then he’s reminded of money, his job, his feelings. YouTube isn’t friendly to him lately, and while he still has an income, it’s less than he would like with what he could get from his new videos actually being monetised. It makes him feel worse, and it’s rare that he sees anything except his own room or the living room or the usual path he takes on Kenji’s walks these days. 

“You need to relax,” James tells him, once he’s spent all day working on and finalising a video, only for it to not even be monetised again. “Seriously, go home for the weekend or something and come back fresh.”

“I _can’t_ fucking relax, not with...everything.” Fraser sighs. He suddenly gets the urge to kick something, to just break something to release the frustration building in his chest once thoughts swarm him yet again.

“Take a break?” James offers uselessly.

“I’ve _taken_ a break.” Fraser snaps back, sighing and digging his nails into his arm. He can feel the dull bite of it even through his hoodie sleeve, but he wishes it were bare. “I’m just going to go to bed actually, to sleep without worrying Kenji might shit on the floor.”

He’s made it to the hallway before James stops him, suddenly stood beside him far too tall and imposing despite their similar height. Fraser earns a soft hand on his cheek, tilting his chin up, with kisses pressed into the other side of his face.

“Let me take care of you,” James hums, pulling away far too soon just as Fraser was just getting used to the affection. “I’ll take care of you and then make sure you sleep properly.”

Fraser initially whines in protest, a long noise that has James pressing more affection into his skin. He’s about to verbally protest as well until he feels the ache in his bones and the sleepless sting in his eyes when he thinks of it all. With a short nod and a press of his hand into James’, he’s being led down into James’ own room instead. It makes sense once he’s laying in soft plush covers in a change of scenery, and any questioning thoughts of why they don’t go to his room is forgotten.

“I’ll take care of you,” James breathes into his cheek, following it with a kiss that only barely touches the corner of Fraser’s mouth. “Take care of you, tire you out, make sure you sleep all night for once. I’ll help you clean your room tomorrow and go over any video trouble, cook you the best fucking meal of your life–”

“ _James_ –” Fraser groans tiredly when he feels his chin forced upwards gently so James can graze his teeth against the pulse in his neck.

“Quiet, yeah? Just let me _take care of you_. I’m going to no matter what, so it’ll be better if you give in like you want to.” James manages to hush him, a surprise to Fraser when he finds himself nodding and letting James leave kisses down his throat with no protest at all.

“I worry about you,” James murmurs into the plush skin of his waist, hands poking up into the hem of his hoodie. He’s not looking at Fraser, rather incidentally looking downcast at the sight of his soft tummy peeking from under the clothing. “I’m sure it’s rather obvious, somehow, but I do. You’re so busy, and it ends up hurting you. Let me help you – to feel better and getting everything to how you need it to be.”

“Okay,” Fraser breathes out, bringing down the hand that’s not intertwining with the other man’s fingers to softly grab onto soft feathery locks instead. “Yeah, okay.”

“Okay?” James blinks up at him, looking almost as tired as Fraser feels. When he nods, the man sighs and pushes up the hoodie up to Fraser’s chest, softly kissing at his stomach and grabbing onto his waist.

With an affirmative hum, Fraser lightly tugs on the other man’s hair until he has a kiss right where he wants it most. Despite feeling the flush of warmth spread to every nerve in his body, – as it usually does whenever James kisses him, with teeth and tongue or just a small kiss that he won’t forget – Fraser can only focus on the slight sting of James’ beard rubbing against his skin. 

“What do you want me to do?” James whispers against his mouth, eyes closed and grazing their lips together when he speaks.

“I thought you were ‘ _taking care of me_ ’,” Fraser huffs, leaning back until he’s settled in the pillow again. “Aren’t you supposed to choose?”

James sighs and presses his head into Fraser’s chest, hands massaging gently over his waist and occasionally wandering up to his sides. “Do you want me to fuck you? Or just make you cum?”

An exhale escapes Fraser easily. He could ask James to fuck him rough, to pull his hair and to bite and leave his thighs aching from being forced to bend over, no room to think of anything but obeying. But it doesn’t feel right, not now at least, and he finds himself craving the gentle touches and kisses and shallow thrusts while James holds him close. 

“Fuck me,” Fraser sighs, “But...gentle, like you love me more than anything.” It almost sounds ridiculous coming from his own mouth, usually quite vulgar with his words, and it feels unnatural to say such a thing. But James huffs a laugh against his cheek after trailing his lips up the line of Fraser’s neck despite it.

“I _already_ love you, fucking idiot.” James kisses him again properly, holding his head in his hands as if there’s nothing more precious in his life. Fraser likes that thought, as selfish as it feels. “Love you more than anything, even if you work yourself to death sometimes.”

Fraser has to laugh at that, only because otherwise he’ll end up crying.

James doesn’t wait for a response and Fraser doesn’t give one, instead choosing to let the other man kiss him deeper and to press him gently into the bed. It’s easy for his cock to respond to anything James does right now, when all he needs is to be looked after.

Lube comes out from the nightstand quickly, James making a small quip about indulging in the good brand tonight since it’s a special occasion.

“A special occasion is me being a dumb cunt and making life shit for myself?” Fraser scoffs, but lets his boyfriend turn him onto his front regardless, sinking to lay flat despite the easier convenience of keeping his hips up for James’ fingers.

“You didn’t do it to yourself, it’s just a little unfair sometimes. We can’t have it good all the time, otherwise how will we know when it’s good?” James hums into his shoulder, fingers gently probing at his hole until Fraser pushes back against them, one sinking in easily.

Fraser puts aside his glasses and scoffs. “I want to get fucked, not attend a fucking TED talk.”

“And next up to the stage, James Marriot to explain self-care and letting your boyfriend try and shag you instead of being impatient.” James snaps back, but a grin grows against his shoulder, a kiss being followed by another on his neck. 

Fraser laughs but doesn’t respond, instead choosing to close his eyes and simply focus on how James’ fingers fill him up one by one until they’re slowly pushing up against his prostate in gradual small thrusts.

“You going to take all day?” He sighs and arches his back into James’ hand, stuck between sliding a hand down his front to wrap around his cock or to just rub off against the sheets.

“If that’s what you need,” James says, but slowly pulls out his fingers and Fraser is left empty once more, biting back the needy whines he wants to let out in desperation of James to fill him. But he’s not in the mood for that, for clawing at the sheets and needing James to simply touch him, because he already has that right now.

“I love you,” Fraser finds himself saying into the pillow, muffled, but James still manages to catch it before Fraser even hears himself say it. “Please fuck me.”

“Of course,” James’ voice barely goes above a whisper, as if his voice is lost. “Anything for you, I love you.” The phrase is repeated into his skin again and again, like he’s trying to permanently paint the words into Fraser.

Bringing Fraser up onto his knees, hands wobbling to keep him upright when it barely feels like he would be able to _stand_ right now, the taller man keeps a hand on his chest and then another on his waist to keep him steady. The lower one leaves to guide his cock into Fraser’s hole, but quickly returns to grip at the soft pudginess of his hip.

James can’t seem to be detached from him for even a second; it’s like a magnetic force keeping him drawn to Fraser’s back, his head against his shoulder and increasingly heavy breaths being panted against his shoulder, sometimes his head turns to messily kiss his throat with mumbled words that Fraser can’t quite catch over the sound of his own breathing.

By the time James is bottoming out inside him, pulling back to shove his cock back into him, staying like that for a few seconds, Fraser is about ready to collapse back into the bed. But he needs this right now, and James keeps him upright no matter how much gravity pushes him down against the hand on his chest.

“Do you want to lie down on your back?” James asks him, pausing his short thrusts to tilt Fraser’s head back until their eyes meet.

“No, I want it like this,” He answers, swallowing down a helpless moan that tries to leave him. “Please.”

His slight beg is answered with a short noise that sticks to James’ throat, the hand on his waist tightening and hunching over Fraser’s back further until he feels enveloped by the man.

When James fucks into him properly, his cock stretching him open with that satisfying ache that will stay with him well into tomorrow, the only thing Fraser can do is simply let himself have it. He wants it and knows he needs something to make him release the tension that’s built up on him, and James is kind enough to provide that.

“Can you touch me?” He gasps and clenches his hands into fists in the sheets, bunching up the material and pushing back against James’ hips as best he can. “I want to feel you, need you to take care of me.”

“Fuck,” James spits out, teeth grazing his shoulder while his thrusts pick up into a pace that seems slow until Fraser feels how deep the man is hitting inside him at the angle. “Yeah, I’m gonna make sure you’re all taken care of, baby, don’t worry.” He hums and moves the hand on Fraser’s chest to his throat, keeping him upright there as he shoves his cock into him. The other hand, on his waist, moves so it rests on his abdomen before tracing long fingers over the leaking head.

It’s harder to focus on anything once James is touching him as well – it’s as if all his senses were stolen away, absorbed into James’ touch and leaving him panting and needy beneath James.

“I want to cum, please, I need it.” Fraser gasps, choking them down in a swallow before he’s panting when James groans into his shoulder. “James, please, I need it so bad.” He almost sobs, one of his hands coming down to grab the other man’s wrist and force his hand to move more than it is.

“Calm down,” James grits out, and the telltale throb of his cock inside Fraser makes him openly whine into the air. “Calm down, and I’ll help make you cum.” His voice softens, a contrast to the short sudden thrusts into Fraser and the tense muscles of his hand around his throat.

“You can cum too,” Fraser croaks out, clenching around the other man desperately. “You first, want to feel how much you like fucking me.” He whines slightly when James’ fingers tighten around the sides of his neck, panting breaths against his shoulder growing heavier until his whole body pauses, the sudden pulsing of the other man’s cock accentuated by apologies.

“Sorry, I should’ve let you cum first, I’m sorry,” James pants, pressing slightly messy kisses to the side of his face and pushing up against Fraser while his hand wraps around him properly. “You just feel too good, baby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“It’s fine, shut up.” Fraser hisses through his teeth, nudging back onto James’ cock when fingers pressing against the slit of his cock and tracing veins. “I like knowing you couldn’t help it, just be quiet.”

James hums and keeps his drooping head upwards with the hand on his neck, whispering small mindless words while his other hand presses into all the right spots along the base.

“James,” Fraser chokes out, whining in his throat and hating how bottom lip quivers slightly when he feels his stomach swim with a boiling heat.” _James_ , fuck–”

“I’ve got you, sweetheart, don’t worry.” James murmurs in his ear, pressing his forehead to Fraser’s clothed shoulder, and his fingers and thumb gently squeeze the sides of his throat.

Fraser chokes suddenly when he cums, air blocked in his throat and lips parting. He chokes with tears, his eyes shut tight enough that he sees hues of red and purple and brown. He chokes out a noise next, dropping his head between his shoulders once James soothingly thumbs at his pulse and lets the soft words spoken wash over him.

He forces back a sniffle and fails to hold it once he sees small spots of the bedsheets darken with something wet, sucking in a breath that he feels rattle in his chest.

“Calm down, you’re going to get worked up like this.” James suddenly says, his hand sliding down Fraser’s arm until he’s got a gentle hold on his wrist. “Let’s get you all pampered now, hm?” He grins, that reserved and sad-seeming one, but Fraser knows he’s simply worried.

Nodding, Fraser allows himself to be manhandled into laying down on his back. James cleans him up, soothing words accompanying the gentle movements of his hands and fingers with the wipes he uses. He reaches for his glasses at some point, when his movements feel instinctive and hazy, but James simply hushes him and rubs at his temple until Fraser sighs and loosens back into the numerous pillows he’s been settled onto.

“Better?” James questions, “I can make you some food, get you a drink, could even go get Kenji from Will if you want him home.”

Now buried under the covers and changed into one of James’ hoodies, Fraser feels infinitely better. He knows he’ll talk to the bigger man in a short while about everything, even if it’s going over what he’s said before recently in an aggressive tone, but it’s easier to say everything when he’s exhausted under the weight of emotion.

Fraser manages a small laugh, more alike to a tired grunt than a laugh, but James smiles regardless. “That dog can stay with Uncle Will until tomorrow, I reckon.” He hums and lets James gather him up in his arms under the blanket.

“I love you,” Fraser chokes out, feeling his eyes water when he hides his face in the other man’s neck. “So fucking much.”

James hums, initially sounding amused until fingers run through Fraser’s hair and a kiss is pressed against his cheekbone. “Love you too.” He replies, and the fuzzy warmth that builds in his chest outweighs all the bad, for now.


End file.
